she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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