paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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