who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
please come you make the beer taste better
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
