So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
They took my balls.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
