So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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