Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
