God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
