based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
