I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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