thus making me awesome and them whores
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
