Rock
Scissors
Fuck
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
