I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i will never coherently bang her
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
