There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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