TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
