I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
