A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
