You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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