Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
