My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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