Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
