Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
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I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
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Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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