i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
