Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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