never play flip cup with pint glasses
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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