my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
