Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
