I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
