I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
