Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
