I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
