the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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