I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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