Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
