can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
