so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
