Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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