I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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