No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I touched a dick in church today
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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