Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
