No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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