Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Can i not drive my cunt home
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
