I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
