He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
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Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
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I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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