Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It's shark week go big or go home
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