Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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