Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...