no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Coupleâ€™s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SOâ€”But Now Find Infuriating
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.