I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
