Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
