It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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