Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
