Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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