I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
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I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
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you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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