It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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