Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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