I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is dick and wine.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize