i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
