my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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