RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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