also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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