is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
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Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
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I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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