I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
