my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
