Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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