Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
