doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
