Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize