What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
