Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
