Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
