please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
