You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
