I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
